“Ah, Dead People”

Hippieism # 462

 

“Ah, Dead People”

 

This Hippieism relates to all old people that look & behave like they’re dead (and are really dead, except perhaps medically) – you know the ones: they ignore your existence on the street, and drive anywhere they care, at a pace that confirms time is no longer an issue. And they congest an aisle in the shopping mall, thinking they can walk straight through you – or you them, when they just stand there staring at their left hand, with a random item in their other hand. (If you looked at the item, it would normally come from another aisle.)

 

The truth is these people are actually dead! The only reason they congest your life; your roads; the short line you joined because you're rushing; your shopping aisles; and all public restrooms; is because the Grim Reaper got a page stuck in his book. They actually know they’re dead, which is why they don’t care anymore: GR will be back for them soon.

 

The main characteristic to look out for is no concept of time. That is, no concept of time except for that weekly event when they can get into the Country Barn buffet – with the right timing and a little sleep in the restrooms*, these people can get a week’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one sitting. All for less than $5!

 

# 462: “Ah, Dead People. They were loved once, but should jump in the ground now.”

 

*a sleep on the bench would perhaps be more comfortable for them, but even ignoring the pungent stench of urine, their dribbling and gurgling noises put off the occasional, unsuspecting diner. Country Barn management have therefore decreed: "No more dead people to be left in the restaurant unattended". Signs are now  prominently displayed in all restaurants - check your local one.