Raise a Glass

Hippie approves, and suggests we all do this... regularly!

And with a screen shot from that brilliant movie (although the same can't be said for the beer they drank in the bar), Hippie approves of the article all the more so.

p.s. About the adverts that have recently appeared on here: apparently Hippie gets some money if you click on them, so when you've read the blog, please give our sponsors a brief moment of your time, and allow Hippie to engage in more of the above.

Go away, please!

Well, shock horror! Hippie wishes to apologise to you now for reintroducing an old friend we thought had been banished to the cold outer reaches of Never-Again-Land. But alaska, no. SPINE is back.

Of course, we always knew that Johnnie wouldn’t be good for a full term, but now SPINE is following suit, and demonstrating the strength of character typical of quitters.

It’s hard to find words more suitable than John Weaver: "We've seen a lot of nutty behavior from governors and Republican leaders in the last three months, but this one is at the top of that", so Hippie won’t bother....

... except to say (well, you did go through the effort of logging on, and carefully read the content warning that sends dead people away: I can’t short-change you now): Well Done to the moose up there in Narnia, we hope you enjoy your freedom from that hysterical rein (or was it a rein of hysteria?). Of course 52.9% of the American public won’t be anything more than intrigued to watch SPINE’s next move - and certainly not as much as the moose will. And the reason why (except of course that she would have no chance in whatever she does): SPINE is a quitter, a SPINE-less SPINE, an elected official who, like her off-spring, is unable to see things through in a manner declared, and is quite simply full of shite.

The moral is: You stand for office knowing full well what that involves. If quitting was appropriate, probably about a year too late now – the absence last year was when an office lacked the Moose of a head, and quitting now is just... well, Weaver said it all.

Hippie

What about the poor man in the street?

Given the White Glove is now a little more than off-color, there has been much said about how much out of pocket AEG Live will be. But where are the thoughts for the poor man in the street? No, Hippie doesn’t mean the fans (those people who a few years ago wouldn’t dare announce their view of White Glove in public – a career & reputation in tatters; record sales falling badly; even radio stations banned the White Glove from the airwaves... although they made up for it recently) who won’t now go to the ball, but should get a refund on their purchases. Hippie’s thoughts aren’t even with those fans that paid over the odds in buying tickets on auction websites – the refund policy for these purchases is normally more fragile even than trying to get money from a broke company.

No, Hippie thinks some thought should go to the poor man in the street; you know the ones that are on every corner for a few blocks before you reach the venue of chosen event.

Tickets for the Not-So-White Glove’s performances sold out in hours, but you just know the touts will now be pouring over the terms & conditions, focused on finding a way to explain their possession of hundreds of tickets, all booked in someone else’s name, and with the seats disseminated around the hall, determined to get something back for their dodgy investment.

At least those with a stock of t-shirts & hats that look as authentic in appearance as Not-So-White-Glove did can find a pocket of mourning fans, and get some return on their useless wares. But for many others, they’ve got bundles & bundles of worthless memorabilia, tickets to an event that never will be.

So next time you get all excited at seeing your favorite performer, as you make your way across the expanse of space to join a line a adoring fans, spare a thought for the poor man on the street, and how broke they must be now.

Hippie

Long Time, No Trousers

Hello,

Hippie's been really busy of late, so if you don't mind, please do excuse my absence; I am back now - and determined to get back to the flow of things.

One posting that has been dwelling within me since I was last here is eventually coming to fruition as I type...

I can't remember, and having not checked the historical posts, I'm not sure quite where things were left. I do know, though, that my sabbaticalish absence started around the weeks before an important court case - I was presenting a claim, not facing court in my own right! (Thanks to the useful change of heart of a client only when in the stand to give testimony, and the odd view of a court on a visitor becoming a resident the moment they drift into sleep on any visit, the case was lost, but que sara, life & Hippieisms goes on).

Aside from the above, for which preparations were done as far as they could be - regular discussions & prompts with the client, and assurances they knew what their position was; I can't select the judge, let alone do more than the "credible & appreciated" [judge's words, not Hippie's - I actually think their commendations were more, but these things are care-free to Hippie, particularly when I was hanging on their every word, which a few moments later prompted me to finish my note to my client: "We... lost"] summing-up of Hippie – I felt good about the case for weeks in advance. The opposing side regularly wanted to settle, and regularly applied to the court for new orders against us; we rebuffed everything, safe in the knowledge the client was sound in their testimony, and the judge's - or strictly speaking, a judge & two lay-persons, making a panel of three - would be of sound mind. Optimistic, but no obvious reason not to be.

A couple of minor points to deal with in the days before the case, but all of such ease in substance that there was simply nothing (apparently) to worry about...

Hippie dropped a suit into the cleaning shop a few days in advance of the court hearing (don't have to bother with court or other formal meetings too often, so don't bother with formal attire too often) with clear instructions on what (and why) was required.

A day or so later, all good: Hippie, accompanied by Mrs Hippie, attended the cleaners, and was assured all was in good order, and Hippie would be fit for presentation; no reason to doubt the professionals.

We then hit the aisles of the local supermarket, the grounds of which within the dry cleaner resides; armed with a basket, Hippie delegated responsibility for the laundry to Mrs Hippie, the suit deposited over a shoulder as we strode among the proper bacon & ghastly-looking pasta sauces.

A few hours after getting home, Hippie felt his girth should be measured against the restrictions of his formal clothing – strange things happen to clothes after time if they’re exposed to the fumes of alcohol for too long! (Never understood how cloth is affected in this way, but it does happen.)

Alas, such an exercise was not practical on this occasion: there was no waistband within which to test the fitting of Hippie’s physique.

Indeed, not only was the waistband missing, but the accompanying trouser legs too!

Consulting with Mrs Hippie, advice was offered that involved calling the supermarket and enquiring about whether they noticed if Hippie, on a recent visit to their store, had dropped his trousers in one of their aisles.

Hippie declined to pursue this option ("Hi, did I drop my trousers when I was there recently?") , although Mrs Hippie did pursue such enquiries – to no avail. Enquiries with the dry cleaners were also to no avail, so clearly Hippie’s trousers were dropped somewhere in public, but not in a manner that Hippie was aware of, never mind being a willing participant in.

Well, the trousers have never been recovered, and Hippie is juggling other suits to cope with current demand. Will also be juggling time better to keep this post alive though.

Be happy, Hippie always is.

Hippie

The Thrill, The Excitment, The Speculation, The Fun/Boredom

Whatever happened to those silly adverts about "I'm a Mac, I'm Fun", "I'm a PC, I'm Boring"?

From what Hippie could make out of those ads, both products were computers, and both could be programmed to do as the user desired: be boring; have ugly user-interfaces; compute & present in fancy pictures your grocery spreadsheets; play music or videos; or just look posh or dull on your lap or desk.

But which one did which, or more importantly, which didn't do either?

It's taken a while, but I recall discussing the merits of two operating systems once (with a fan of a white computer over any other). Now we can really compare the two systems against each other, and check what is really fun!

A bit of background first (dull BBC links used, just to balance the boring/fun issues):

three months ago, people were getting warnings about a virus yet to activate its payload (the suspense starts);

rewards offered by a software company (Hollywood scriptwriters employed yet?);

an eye kept on developments (but those out of the loop kept happy with the issue being downplayed);

a schedule available for those that like formality (is that for the fun, or the boring?);

another .com bubble bursts (nothing to see here... move on please);

and then, out of the shadows, the evil perpetrator's hand sneaks back into the scene (could even Hitchcock write such a script, let alone William Dozier narrate so many cliff-hangers?).

Now, honestly, who could find this drawn-out episode dull or boring? Whoever is behind this conficker/downadup/Microsoft Knowledge Base 123456789, they have generated some interest in computer security, and kept those of us comfortable in our security entertained.

While Hippie cannot condone the inappropriate access of naive computer-users systems, if we did all keep our systems maintained (and could trust our operating system not to have any vulnerabilities - what a nirvana), where would the fun be? These hackers are clever: they've kept security experts on their toes; generated large rewards; and now their program is updating with clever, encrypted software - of the kind we're all told we need to use to keep our information safe, that the security people now hope to crack (hopefully not possible, as some people bank - literally - on this security)!

So, where would the fun in computers be if we all just turned them on, played a game of Spacewar!, and then turned off the computer so we could use it for another purpose?

Hippie is all for fun, not boring computers, and Hippie knows just which side of the fence to find that on....

Discolouring maturity

Hippie found two - a whole two - grey hairs today.

Not in the hairbrush either, so Hippie can't blame them on the cleaner.

The offending items were in fact protruding, with the innocence that only two single hairs among thousands can, from the scalp of Hippie!

Hippie took to consult Mrs Hippie about this discovery, only to find Mrs Hippie aware to such things - she had observed such a seismic change to his scalp recently, but avoided giving warning of the same.

Que sara: Hippie has hair, and it often lightens in the Summer months, so he guesses what appears to be grey to be a sign of this awful climate change thing: ice melts in gin; beer gets warm in the garden; Hippie's hair lightens with maturity.

Shopping sprees

Ah, shopping sprees. Don't you just love them? As long as you're making choices, and spending money anyway - following mature people around shops, as they get vocally excited at balls of wool, is not such fun.

Now psychologists believe they have explained the reason for some impulse buys & extravagant shopping: the time of the month - shopping being a way for premenstrual women to deal with negative emotions.

With the greatest respect to Professor Karen Pine though, Hippie* has to question these findings. Of the 153 women studied, almost two-thirds of those in the later stages of the menstrual cycle - that luteal phase - admitted they had bought something on impulse. And many felt remorse later.

But what does that prove? If you studied 153,000 women, almost two-thirds would (or at least if they were honest, or understood the harm of a little white lie) admit to have bought something on impulse - regardless of where in their cycle they are.

Now, let's be clear: Hippie isn't a women-basher, either verbally or physically. In fact he despises such conduct. And of course, while not being able to appreciate first-hand just what the regular cycle must be like, Hippie does empathise as much as any man can.

But ladies, really! It's appreciated that you might display emotions, feel discomfort, shout & scream, or find one or more (Hippie's trying to be polite, and does wish not to be in anyway disparaging) of many other means to express yourself. But impulse shopping? For 10 days in a month?

Check your calendars again, and then check your calculators: there are twice as many days in the month that you have yet to account for!

No doubt you indulge in shopping during these uncomfortable 10 days. But be honest with us all - you indulge in shopping in the other 20-or-so days too!

Hippie's view on all of this shopping though is an all-together different matter: as long as it's not for balls of wool, and perhaps if you take in a local inn to refresh yourself/your partner after a long day shopping, what harm? Enjoy, as what purpose does money serve if you can't have fun spending it?

Hippie hopes any males reading this do try to tolerate the difficult experiences their friends/partners/lovers/associates/enemies are experiencing.

And Hippie hopes any females reading this try to understand that we men can't properly appreciate your experiences, but we (at least some of us, anyway) do aspire to be tolerant, and wish - for your sake - that we could do more to help.

Hippie

*No, that's not really Hippie! Did you really think Hippie would publish his image online? Please go back to the start, and read all entries in this blog again.

Still not dead

Hello,

Hippie has been really busy recently, so no time to keep you in touch with thoughts.

A few court cases coming up, so expect little in the next month or so, but I will make up for it - and if any Hippie thought comes to mind, I'll certainly update.

In fact, that's what brings me here today: bloody busy, and pissed-off with a silly "professional" in a court case we're working on - while we both work on it, but from opposite sides, the court reasonably expects us to behave professionally towards each other. I am, but they are... well... the court can decide that.

I'm confident in that case, and just pissed it's requiring so much time.

Another case is going.... well, nowhere! Or at least for the respondent, the last I heard or saw. I'm the litigant, so if they take no action I'll reluctantly take a default case against them, although a day in court would be interesting.

Hippie is going places though. But that's another story, and not for this blog.

Hippie's business is on Twitter now too, but that won't be linked to this blog (professional standards, you understand I'm sure), so just mentioning in passing.

Anyway, getting back to Hippieisms...

Does Mother Hippie (F***** - anonymity is still assured) still read this? If so, turn off now!

Still here? Bye F***** - you won't be interested in this!

No, honestly F******, you should check the next blog, but go now!

Ok, you got a warning before entering, and more above. So here goes:

what is Pope Pointless XXIX about now? Even Silly-Billy & the wife wants to spend their masses of money helping poor nations - but never on iPods, and I suspect there's probably a ban on the $100 laptop too, as the operating system isn't good.

The real problem the world has is the cost of Durex, and their monolopy in their market.

Banning Durex though is more ridiculous than banning bankers - they either serve, or are, wankers.

These days, Hippie thinks World AIDS Day is often forgotten (it happens on 1 Dec, and is marked with the wearing of a red ribbon). We have colored ribbons for every event now, and inter/national days for just about everything.

Perhaps it's because we think AIDS is cured, controlled, or just not in our community anymore.

Hippie is still here, but a good friend of mine did die from AIDS, and while he had to take a hell of lot of drugs everyday, and couldn't even have ice in the pub's gin & tonic (we often don't realise just how restrictive the controlled condition is), he passed away some years ago now.

I've never appreciated condoms, and particularly could never grasp the idea of using the thick latex that you are often offered freely in gay clubs, but I certainly don't appreciate the idea of AIDS either.

Hippie isn't dead, but there will be many that will be, and ancient lectures & virtues will never solve the problem.

Pope Pontificating XXX will need to appreciate the modern world, and support the control of disease that harms so many - including that disease rape, that may justify a child of nine choosing (or more naturally, having an adult decision taken for them) that they have a right to mature & enjoy the life they were gifted with.

Wow, this got heavy!

Sorry, not intended - I just planned to pontificate about the views of others about condoms. Que sara.

Well, Hippie is good, still madly in love, and still really busy, but with every intention of keeping you up to date with new Hippieism thoughts - for the benefit of F***** (have they got this far? Que sara, sara....), Hippieisms, are explained below, but are succinctly thoughts or views, hopefully often with a slant of humour, but occasionally of a more important stance. Debates/contributions always welcome.

Be good & have fun all (that doesn't require a condom),

Hippie

Grow up, or at least... no, just grow up

Is there no regulation to the Internet? Can we not do anything to protect innocent browsers (as in users browsing)?

 

Mother Hippie recently managed to use an innocuous text string as a web address, and there encountered some CGI porn – can you imagine Lara Croft being... by the man from Street Fighter 2? That was it: a silly CGI gif (an optical moving picture, of about 3 frames in repeat) advert.

 

I suspect Mother Hippie is still trying to bleach her mind of the absolute filth she encountered!

 

Clearly there has to be better safeguards to the Internet.

 

A quick (unrestricted) search online finds a tool called Glubble (“making the internet kid friendly by child proofing the browser” –  apparently via some sort of Firefox Add-On that makes the Internet safer – although with about 350 sites available, it sounds like a minimal Intranet, not the Internet!) for kids, but what about Mother Hippie? There is also Off-limits, which again works on approved sites, not filters. Still not an Internet browser, but some Intranet of kiddie sites.

 

So how do we protect the innocent minds of our silver surfers though? How can we ensure “REVOLTING”, “PORNOGRAPHIC” “vulgar picture -  it's really a sick society we live in” images don’t upload to the screens of mature & still sensitive online users – Glubble (which I’m sure Mother Hippie could easily be convinced is a website with content of the nature above) allows access to such a few sites, and Off-Limits is the same – and again it could be suggested that “off-limits” is presenting something most wouldn’t normally browse for - that their descriptions as browsers seems wrong to Hippie.

 

The world wide web (a phrase fiercely defended as representing a different article from the Internet, but losing favour now – given the choice of www.....com (there was apparently once a group & site for this (www.yes-www.com), but no trace now) or no www (boring, but a site exists to campaign against using the www. prefix – Hippie approves)) and/or the Internet is a big place. Lots of good stuff on there too apparently – even beyond this blog! But all that revolting, pornographic, vulgar porn gets in the way!

 

 

Who is going to do something about that? Well, to start with, you can count on Hippie...

 

...to do sweet fuck all about it, and support no silly social network campaigns that try to rid the Internet of such filth.

 

It’s not the case that Hippieisms promote these things (no sponsored links to porn here), or that Hippie cares to visit these sites (Mrs Hippie is beautiful & sexy; Hippie is more than content), but some people do visit. Every website costs money to host; some sites we like, others we’d be happy to see taken down. But they all get visitors or money to keep them going, so someone among the community cares for them, and porn ads pay for them.

 

Before you got here you would have been warned that the site might contain content only suitable for adults. (Again, Hippie disagrees, but to avoid offence, I ensured the warning is there.) Nonetheless, adults might be offended by this content, and kids may love it. Ergo, why should they be deprived? Hippie expresses himself with a full vocabulary, and occasionally might make innuendoes, albeit little more than modern cartoons – or indeed old cartoons (has no-one ever thought “Yabaa-Dabba-Doo” as the sexy body of a partner is unwrapped from its clothing? Try speaking those words – does a lot to show appreciation).

 

 

Whether you want to view it or not, and whether you want to pay to view it or not (like software, paying seems odd to Hippie: there’s so much freeware available; the same goes for porn –YouPorn.com (this link is not sponsored or endorsed by Hippie – just here as an example) has got a clever policy of offering some free, with some pay-for, shows.

 

The only answer Hippie can conclude is a ghastly one to Hippie: the social networking sites. Not to run a campaign to remove porn (their ads pay for so much hosting, the Internet would shrink dramatically if they were removed), but to get people across the globe to network socially. And in person. In the flesh. Go get some good breakfast together! And to stop worrying about a few adverts that other users are interested in.

 

I’ve searched for Silver Surfer browsers, but only found the nemesis of Spiderman, or some other comic book hero – Hippie knows little of these things.

 

The fact is the Internet is here to stay. Porn was an early tenant, and has an established base. Porn is here to stay too. And with porn, we get an economy that supports so much more of the Internet. And Hippieisms is here to stay too!

 

Start your silver browser campaigns if you want, but Hippie will only consider social networking membership to campaign with the other side.

 

Porn: love it or loath it, it pays bills, hosts websites, can be ignored, and is only really there if you go looking for it.

 

 

Hippie

 

 

 

Postscript: why does a site like Glubble actually include images of children? In some circles, even this is Sacrasanct (Hippie had to search online for the correct spelling of this, but would a kiddie browser help me learn my spelling? I doubt it, but I have no intention of finding out!)! A kid’s browser shows them! Odd...(but then to Hippie so is a kid’s browser). We need a browser for easily-offended-surfers. Or maybe just to have grown up people behave grown up...

 

A further postscript: Hippie did have expectations of mentioning the nonsense with Pirates Bay in this post, but no room - Hippie will get back to you on that one...

 

 

One last postscript: if socities globally aren't careful, 1984 will soon be trying to tell us how much we can relax too. Hope they never get an online forum, sponsored by porn or otherwise. We'd all be on social-networking sites then!

Movie Fever

As the world is currently gripped with interest in movie awards, Hippie thought he should cover the matter too...

Some questions for you to consider:

• why do so many dumb people hunch down to speak into the microphone at award ceremonies? Surely they must realise this isn't necessary, or perhaps should've noticed others managed to be heard without hunching!
• those in the profession like to be called "actors", using this word as not being assigned to a gender. But why then have awards for Best "Actress", with no women ever nominated for Best "Actor"?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

What's to worry about?

Stress.

 

What's it about? Don’t you hate it when it envelopes you & commandeers your every thought? Or worse, when it dominates the thoughts & actions of a loved one who is so worried they'd maybe even be short towards you?

 

Ridiculous really, but it can be difficult for the victim so do be considerate & compassionate towards them. They know no better. (Hippieism # 189)

 

If you find you're the victim of stress, the first things to do (although dependent on your tolerance & performance levels, not necessarily in this order) are to engage in some samples of good beer & good sex. (Others should help victims in this aim. Only you can decide how though.)

Now, trusting your more relaxed, grasp the realisation that stress serves no good purpose: it affects your health (and if you're not careful, it could affect your performance too... more so than alcohol – not something you need right now!), and impairs rational or clear thought. So grab a moment, clear your mind, satisfy some more sexual desires (if you have none - due to stress - others still do, so succumb & satisfy their's – it will help you too... trust Hippie), and then we'll tackle this thing head on (that's not a pun, but if you thought otherwise, you're already getting better).

Ok, did you have fun? (If not, go back to the start; don't collect £/$200; but do collect your thoughts... and a beer... and a sexual partner).

Got this far? Cool.

What's the worst that can happen to you now? You've just had good sex, and a good beer. What's still to stress about?

 

Debts mounting? Job not secure? Wife leaving you? Plane crashing? A space on your desk & your days missing W calendars? Don't worry; just think clearly about it all for a moment:

Debts: you're a toxic debt. Britney sung about you, so perhaps royalties are in order. If not, what can the banks really do? Tell them what you can realistically pay, and pay that. Any repayment is good for them, so don't be intimidated by threats. They were silly enough to give you money, so they're at fault too. And if they want to possess the house, tell them the wife has already claimed for it in divorce. Have sex, drink beer, watch the squabbles, and chill – after all, you were losing the house either way!

 

Job worries: clearly not a good job, as they should be able to manage their staff better. Show strength in adversity, and go get a better job before your colleagues realise the threats. Once there, get into management and manage staff levels better too. (Before you leave though, send your colleagues a link to this post.)

Wife leaving you: you got laid before getting to this point, so it's not all bad!

Plane crashing: we know this happens, but pilots are good at managing this issue. But perhaps their equipment is faulty as you're online while in the air. At least Hippieisms is the last thing you'll read - just after your mile high club membership enrolment. Don't forget to leave a comment though. :-) (And be happy: you'll die with your boots on.)

Calendar expired: they're building a whole museum for W, so don't worry about your desk. And if your wife's leaving you, you can put porn back on your desk now. Beer always needs space too.

Rational thought is the answer to stress. But it's not possible while stressed, so never get stressed,

Instead get laid and drunk. 

Stress: a curse for those unable to see the wood for the trees, but a blessing for those able to see bushes & barley in the forest. So says Hippieism # 72

Diplomacy, but Yeah, but No, but Yeah, but...

Where's my auto-cue? What are my lines? What's this all about?

Always reliant on auto-cues, even the most high-profile speakers & commentators can mess their lines when the spotlight is on. (That's why Hippie has only ever once used a written speech - and that didn't work as well as Hippie's mind, which normally drafts the content on the hoof, and rarely relies on more than the back of an envelope for any prompts.)

Nonetheless, yesterday was a big day, and the moment touched most of us (if not you, you're one of the few sad people among us; never mind, come into Hippie's bosom, and learn how to enjoy life).

Media yesterday was filled with speculation, and today with thoughts: just what would (did) Mrs Hussie wear - adorned from a SPINE-type shopping spree, or something more sombre?

Hippie watched the moments in the manner they deserved: attentive & joyful celebration, with tears of appreciation joining the cold tears that spilled down the cold beer glass accompanying him. A hansom man, with a better physique than SPINE's neighbour, and an altogether beautiful family receiving attention from a relatively appreciative world (some circles censored, but they can't read Hippieisms either, so work to do).

What about the attire though? Where did Hussie get that scarf? Was the cut on the tux good enough, or was it off the peg? Did the shoes shine back the images of the family?

Yeah, but no, but yeah, but what about Mrs Hussie? Typically, the media's column inches today were filled with mixed reaction: ...

Hippie analysed these comments, and reached a firm conclusion: who damn cares? 

Stumbled lines on the platform are not going to fill the empty space on Hippie's desk.

Hippie's favoured fashion editor's column was of praise for Mrs Hussie's outfit (and Hippie couldn't exercise better opinion).

Sometimes, even when things aren't quite appropriate, the best advice is to gracefully smile & nod.

Hussie asked a question on the aforesaid evening. And Hippie is delighted to see such a beautiful family in that big house.

Diplomacy - a lesson Climax will hopefully share with the world.

(p.s. Hippie will expose the question only to subscribers, but Hippie's opinion on that all-important question will not be published here.)

Empty

Hippie woke up this morning, filled his body with hot coffee, casually perused titles of the latest additions to his several thousand unread emails, and checked the diary for deadlines that passed yesterday & now need rather urgent attention. A typical start to a typical day.

As caffeine spread through the veins, reaching those parts of the body occupied by now stale alcohol, eyelids tearing open as light stained his retina, Hippie glanced across his desk for inspiration.

Mrs Hippie's glowing image shines out from her beautiful photo, alongside which a reminder of the day stands. A once bulky block, with what appeared an infinite collection of immortal quotes, appears rather anemic.

With more coffee filling his now-stirring body, Hippie tore away yesterday's page, seeking to expose a reminder of what day today is.

Nothing!

Like Hippie's mind, the day too is blank. No page to jog the memory of where in the timeline Hippie is. Rather than a classic quote from W, a frame exposes a bland, empty sheet.

It's over. What once seemed like an impenetrable task - a huge calendar, with so many pages the possibilities of how those days could be filled was scary - has now been achieved. Emptiness consumed Hippie as the dawning of the day begins, and Hippie has to acknowledge that W's reign of terror & humour is no more.

A ceremony needs to be planned for this momentous occasion: the calendar that has occupied many desks & entertained so many readers that yesterday's pages were always collectables, the dull plastic frame now has to be discared (or recycled if any firms still existed to recycle).

Ah fuck it, the diary suggested a busy day yesterday, so no time to observe pomp & ceremony now. The old calendar is in the bin, and now a vacant, empty space exists on Hippie's desk. But what to fill it with....

Bye Bye W

With W only in office for a few more minutes, as a farewell to our old friend Hippieisms presents a video of W's best bits. And his worst bits too (the bit in the middle).

We'll miss you W... about as much as we miss SPINE.

Enjoy the video.

Hippie

Untitled, 20 January 2009

The search for WMDs

Just as we thought it was all over, and as Andrew Roberts observes, history will show W was right ("assumed" & "human rights"? Hippie was never good at history or English, so sadly missed the word "assumed" & the definiton of "human rights" in any presentations to the UN or the world at large. Had he known this was the basis for invading a country, perhaps he could've saved time on cold days attending marches or protests for the rights of innocent humans - Hippie assumed they weren't being considered as humans who deserved any rights) Hippieisms has uncovered a video of the search for WMDs – with a few prisoners taken along the way, the occasional one made to walk the plank too!

(That's not a barrel of oil in the opening scenes, and no alcohol in that flask either. And even if you look carefully, the boat doesn't have any signs about "mission ongoing for ever & ever & ever, or 8 years, which ever comes sooner".)

 

(Hippieisms & more will shortly be hosting a Facebook petition, requesting funding from the W library fund to support future posting on the legacy of W. Be sure to sign up.)

Lean, green, useless machine

With clever scientists having worked out that computers & the Internet generally use power to function, the emphasis is now on computer users to go green!

 

How exciting an opportunity, and how intellect the wisdom being offered: this recent article in the UK’s Daily Telegraph (if you read the article, you’ll need to waste browsing time & electricity & trees scrolling to the end though, as they didn’t provide a link direct to the tips) provides some thoughtful ideas on being a green computer user:

 

·         Turn your computer off when it’s not in use. Make sure that your operating system’s energy-savings settings are correct.

·         Try to make your machine last as long as possible – if it has ground to a halt, consider reinstalling the operating system afresh, rather than buying a new machine.

·         When the time comes to buy a new computer, explore the green policies of a machine’s manufacturer. Apple, Dell and Asus claim they are leaders in this field.

·         The bulk of your computer’s energy use is dictated by your power supplier, and many electricity and gas companies offer tariffs that use renewable sources.

·         If you have a website, remember that every uncompressed picture and every badly written bit of code has a direct impact on the environment and on the time it takes a site to load. If your site is speedy, it will usually help its search rankings, too.

·         When disposing of unwanted electronic equipment, remember that recycling it intact, for other people to use, is usually much better for the environment that dismantling it.

 

 

Let’s take a moment to consider this advice:

 

·         turn your computer off – how clever! Except for... (see below);

 

·         try to make your machine last as long as possible – genius stuff, but no advice on how to run Vista, or even Linux  on my top of the range ZX Spectrum+ 128Kb , so no help there;

 

·         explore green policies – i.e. listen to any advertising claims from trendy manufacturers that know the mood of the public, and only buy from them (some computers use electricity, some manufacturers use waffle & clever advertising – but still need electricity to work);

 

·         your computer’s energy use is dictated by its power supply (did you really think your keyboards & mouse were kinetic?) – look at your supplier, and use the one you can afford and that meets your needs;

 

·         remember, large downloads use more computer processing – and they cost more in host-server fees, so you probably use them because you value the visual impact, but think about whether a small, grainy image would be helpful (is the picture of an ugly person? Save your viewers and the planet...);

 

·         dispose of unwanted equipment by recycling – so criminals can recycle your banking information!

 

 

Hippie runs what he supposes is a relatively powerful desktop. Taking a glance at the taskbar at the bottom, Hippie had 11 icons – or programs – running at the moment this was prepared (and a laptop running alongside too. And two cell phones. Oops! Bad Hippie). To be green, Hippie could’ve saved this post; closed Word; opened a browser; found & copied a hyperlink; closed the browser; opened Word; pasted the link; and continued this exercise repeatedly. (Or perhaps used fewer words. Or not posted at all.) And sing to himself instead of running a music program while he was working. And close all those other programs he might need to switch to the moment the phone rings.  And does Hippie really need 16 tabs open in his main browser? His screen (only one, as Mrs Hippie said he didn’t need a second monitor) can only display a few at a time, so perhaps Hippie should close the rest, and use History to open them when needed again (using Google isn’t green).

 

And perhaps Hippie could close all those hidden programs, running in the background  too... like Skype – Hippie can always phone back, hoping the caller is only on Skype, but waiting patiently for a call at the precise moment he tries to call. Or the anti-virus program, hoping nothing nasty tries to access the computer while online.

 

 

Hippie doesn’t know what’s most genius about this study & advice list: recycling our secure information; keeping old computers to corrode in a dark corner of the house; the idea that Hippie should jump up and run over to the bookcase, browse a dictionary or encyclopaedia (he’d maybe eat more, given all the energy he’d burn jumping up & down) to check a simple fact; or turning off the computer when not in use?

 

Hippie supposes the genius advice is to turn off the computer when not using it – so obvious really, it probably escaped most of us.

 

However, Hippie demands a lot from his computer, and with the advent of multi-tasking (his Spectrum requires a cassette player, and about 20 minutes, to run a program, but only one program can run at a time, so no option about shutting programs down), power is used.

 

Hippie could go into Control Panel\System and Maintenance\Power Options, and change the power plan. This would make browsing a dictionary or encyclopaedia quicker too. But then, Hippie bought a powerful computer to use, not to preserve & recycle.

 

Hippie could turn his computer off when not in use. But then, it’s always in use: given all the applications running during the day (and music is played virtually 24 hours, with the TV program normally running too – it records the shows, but needs to keep checking the schedule to know when to record) Hippie doesn’t want slow performance by having malware or back-up programs running while he’s working. Therefore, they run at night, when slow performance won’t bother him. And then he might need to log in to his computer when away from the office, so needs remote access – not yet possible when the computer’s turned off!

 

Of course, the other possible outcome of trying to run too much when the computer’s limited power can’t cope is the “blue screen of death”. Will only require the system to restart, and have all drives checked for presence & performance...

 

The simple answer to all this: buy a computer only with power for what you need (or buy a second hand computer, and blackmail the previous owner with their browsing history); plant a tree; make your computer green, and ensure you never again see the blue screen of death (particularly for Mother Hippie, although it will probably need two computers, due to remote access):

 

open Notepad;

scroll to the Windows folder – somewhere like “C:\Windows”;

find a file called “system.ini” (you might find this easier if you have file extensions enabled, but do think about how much energy dispalying those four extra characters will require);

you should find something like:

 

[386Enh]

woafont=dosapp.fon

EGA80WOA.FON=EGA80WOA.FON

EGA40WOA.FON=EGA40WOA.FON

CGA80WOA.FON=CGA80WOA.FON

CGA40WOA.FON=CGA40WOA.FON

 

[drivers]

; 

in the space above “[drivers]”, (paying attention to spacing, capitalisation, and spelling) enter two new lines (copy & paste uses trees to support the clipboard):

 

            MessageBackColor=2

MessageTextColour=4

;

save your modifications to the system, and approve any checks MS decided to waste trees on to ask you about your changes.

 

 

Now, if your green credentials cause your computer to crash with a major system failure, you won’t get a blue screen of death – it too will be green (the 2 above) And if you’re color-blind, you probably won’t realise you missed a flash of text – no-one gets the chance to read it anyway, so you won’t be frustrated that it was displayed in red (the 4 above) text!

 

If you do see this screen so often you manage to read some text on it, give up on being green; change your settings back to full performance (Control Panel\System and Maintenance\Power Options); plant another tree; and try not to pass wind – at least not while you’re having sex, as that is most uncouth, and is bad for your home environment!

 

 

Hippie

 

 

p.s. Hippie only viewed 9 tabs (now blogger too, so make that 10) in his browser while preparing this post, so Hippie guesses he owes the world a leaf or two.