Pick Up a Penguin

Nothing exciting yet with the new UK government, so the security at Ireland's zoo is instead receiving attention today.

Apparently a gang made off with a penguin from Dublin zoo at about 8am this morning. Perhaps they couldn't figure out how to cook it (Hippie's never eaten penguin, but always open to trying something new), or perhaps even pluck it, but either way, it found itself abandoned on the sedate streets of North Dublin. (Ok, they might not have been the sedate streets, but the North side of Dublin does have some nicer areas than the South side, albeit with some streets where caution is still advisable.)

What's fascinating about this apprehension is the Irish idea of security measures: "The penguin went missing this morning at 8am but due to the security measures that are in place at Dublin Zoo and the rapid response of gardai, the penguin was soon recovered and returned." Was this really due to the security measures in place? (the gang did get out of the zoo with a penguin!) and the rapid response of gardai? (it took several hours to find a bird not normally native to the streets of the North side of Dublin) or more to do with the gang not knowing how to keep or cook a penguin? (Hippie thinks so).

Hippie

The Big Question

Ok, so remarkably the UK has a coalition government, with an aim of a five year term. Will be interesting to see how it unfolds & works, and whether it does lead to a change in the way politics is conducted in the future.

Hippie still suspects there could be an election this year, or at least by February next year, but just perhaps this government will manage to command sufficient support to maintain confidence until 2015.

The Big Question though isn't who will get what positions in cabinet, how the parties' supporters & MPs will react, who will lead the Labour Party, or indeed what happens next.

No, the big question (that most journalists probably will duck) is this: did the British Prime Minister, David Cameron, christen his new Downing Street flat last night, and if so, in which room(s)?

Someone Past the Post

What a bloody farce the UK elections are proving to be!

In principal, the system is "first past the post" (the party that gets the most votes) who wins, but in practice the "third past the post" is going to determine who wins... well, probably the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth, collectively keeping out the first (or highest polling) past the post. In other words, the "first past the post" system really means "someone-past-the-post-and-possibly-nearly-everyone-except-first-past-the-post".

It gets more complicated than that too: the first- past-the-post (right-wing Conservatives) & third-past-the-post (left-wing Liberal Democrats) could form a coalition, and give the UK public a secure government for the next two years - the coalition was only planned for two years, despite the government having a potential five year term. (Yes, confusing!) But, the third-past-the-post-Liberals want a commitment to a new voting system (a proportional voting system that goes by the name of the Alternative Vote - not a great system, and not even the system preferred by the third-past-the-post-Liberals), while the first-past-the-post-Conservatives are only agreeing to a referendum (a vote by the UK public) on a new system... and to confuse things more, with the first-past-the-post-Conservatives likely campaigning against it!

With things as they stand, these discussions look like they're going nowhere - the most important thing to the UK public (and the global economy) at the moment isn't really about how the UK select its government, but about a stable government. But as the most important thing to the third-past-the-post-Liberals is the Alternative Vote system, this coalition looks like it won't be achievable.

From there, the third-past-the-post-Liberals can instead secure a deal with the second-past-the-post-Labour (together with the other small parties) - first-past-the-post-Conservatives would then lose the election, and remain the official opposition.

This "rainbow" coalition (all the parties bring their colors to the table, and we have a jumbled messy rainbow of parties propping up the government) would have so many to keep happy, it wouldn't be secure. It may quickly change the voting system, but not necessarily a good thing as a priority.

To make matters more confusing, the third-past-the-post-Liberals would be negotiating with a second-past-the-post-Labour party, currently led by The Clown. However, Gordon is stepping down as the leader, so whoever takes over in September would be free to tear up the agreement with the third-past-the-post-Liberals, forcing a second general election in October (as predicted by Hippie on Friday morning).

Another twist to throw in the mix is the fact that no party would genuinely want to be responsible for forcing a second election this year - the economy wouldn't like that. Easy enough to manage, if a deal can be secured - but between who?

News on Thursday night gave them all the excuse they needed for that: no party will be forcing a second election, the responsibility for this will lie with the Returning Officers (these are the people that manage the vote in every part of the country). The UK's own "hanging chads of Florida" farce meant votes weren't counted, simply because voters couldn't get into the voting station, or once there, couldn't get a voting paper. Ergo, the voting result doesn't actually reflect what the population wanted.

The Likely Outcome of This?

Well, there could be a minority government by the first-past-the-post-Conservatives, but this would be tentative, as they would often be defeated.

Equally, there could be a majority "rainbow" coalition government of anyone that isn't the first-past-the-post-Conservatives, and this would be led by... well, even Hippie can't predict that one, but perhaps Miliband will be successful. Of course, the "rainbow" wouldn't have chosen this Prime Minister, and that could (did Hippie type "could" - should be "would") be enough to cause the collapse of this "government".

Only one thing for sure: unlike Florida, the UK public are going back to the ballot box - in October 2010. Not sure what voting system it will be held under, but probably the current someone-past-the-post-and-possibly-nearly-everyone-except-first-past-the-post system wins unless someone-past-the-post-and-possibly-nearly-everyone-except-first-past-the-post has less seats (324 or fewer) than the current first-past-the-post Conservatives get 326 seats in a new election.

And Who to Support?

If the broke & remote people in a northern place stop spewing out ash, and airline staff are working, the people to support are shareholders of the airlines - get the fuck out of the bloody place!

It's only a wart, not a belly

Hello Dear Reader,

It’s been a while, and for that neglect Hippie is very sorry. Hippie has missed writing the blog, but will make an effort to get back on track & provide more regular updates from now on.

So much been going on to cover too, it’s absolutely ridiculous that it has taken so long, and it’s not fair that subjects will only get a cursory comment today. Still, if you keep clicking on those ads, Hippie can give up working & commit to keeping in touch with you...!

Now that you’re back from clicking on ads (did you buy anything? It doesn’t matter to Hippie, you just click an ad & Hippie earns something, so just curious), we can get stuck into things.

SPINE shows her brilliance & command of the subjects again

Where were we last year? Did we have the iPhone last time Hippie posted? We didn’t have the iPad anyway! Crazy and dumb (the behaviour you would expect of a dolt), but no matter how discreet or efficient technology becomes to help us with prompts, SPINE was still relying on her trusty pen & hand. Honestly, she could have been sitting in the White House (ok, maybe that much was never a real possibility), and yet she needs to write notes on her hand!?! Does she have a tattoo of her name somewhere convenient too, with SPINE sewn into the hem of her underwear & inside her wigs?

Burgled

Hippie had to deal with a burglary recently. It happens to a fair percentage of homes, so can’t say it was unlucky, but certainly bloody annoying. They didn’t actually steal anything, only made a mess of the place. What sense in that? Will cost more to clean the place up than they probably wanted or hoped for in cash (but who handles that stuff? Have these people never heard of banks, plastic, credit cards??)! Next time, if they tell Hippie first, Hippie would be happier to pay them not to burgle him! Just need a bank account number & sort-code, and Hippie will transfer whatever the cleaner gets paid. Better for both parties Hippie thinks.

Nonetheless, Hippie has to wonder if they did have plans (perhaps a shopping list) to take something, but following the sensible practice of SPINE, had their notes on their hand, and couldn't read them with gloves on!

Our Ever Bigger Family

Families are expanding. No, not in the biological sense, but Sister Hippie has learnt of this site now, so the Hippie family reading the blog is expanding. Should Hippie be more careful in future? No? Ok, forget that thought. "Hi" Sister Hippie, hope you're well.

Ok, we’ve caught up... well, not really, but enough to keep us going, and other news Hippie missed could well get an entry of its own soon.

Hippie's Ever So Tiny Wart

Now, what happened this week could have been truly awful – in the same awful zone as those grey hairs Hippie once mentioned. It wasn't, as it isn't even what some imagine it to be, but after other crap, that's just as well.

Mrs Hippie has observed a very small wart on Hippie’s person. (Well, it wasn't an entirely new discovery, but as it came up in conversation with Mrs Hippie, Hippie confirmed to the fine lady that the excess is in fact a wart on his torso.)

This unnecessary collation of surplus-to-requirement flesh sits most awkwardly right below Hippie’s chest, so appearing to the untrained eye to be something more like a small growth that could be attributed to excesses in food & water (mixed with lots of good ingredients to make a golden liquid). It’s easier for Hippie to see it sitting down, which is unfortunate as it does then appear more like one of those beer gut things. But no, Hippie is quite clear that this is a wart - albeit one that makes the waistline tight, leaving the old strained holes on a belt now wrapped around the side, implying to the world that the waistline itself has somehow expanded despite the perfect care & attention it receives.

Hippie isn’t too concerned about the wart itself, as these things can be easily lanced. The real damage this wart does is to perfectly conceal the finely developed “six-pack” stomach now totally enveloped under this mass.

If Hippie was in anyway vain it would be a problem, but as with the hair that rudely popped out without going to the color tank first, it’s just another issue for Hippie to ignore. Hippie will continue to maintain an otherwise perfect specimen of a body, although sadly the public will now be deprived from viewing the same. Shit happens, but you’ll simply need to rely on Hippie’s assurance that the fine physic still exists & is being maintained (not with those dodgy steroid things, but with all-natural supplements made by monks) under this growth.

It’s been fun catching up, and look forward to doing it all again soon. Until then, do check out those ads, and then check out some more....

Hippie

Shit, has it been that long...?

Sorry people, on my way back right now.

Hippie

Raise a Glass

Hippie approves, and suggests we all do this... regularly!

And with a screen shot from that brilliant movie (although the same can't be said for the beer they drank in the bar), Hippie approves of the article all the more so.

p.s. About the adverts that have recently appeared on here: apparently Hippie gets some money if you click on them, so when you've read the blog, please give our sponsors a brief moment of your time, and allow Hippie to engage in more of the above.

Go away, please!

Well, shock horror! Hippie wishes to apologise to you now for reintroducing an old friend we thought had been banished to the cold outer reaches of Never-Again-Land. But alaska, no. SPINE is back.

Of course, we always knew that Johnnie wouldn’t be good for a full term, but now SPINE is following suit, and demonstrating the strength of character typical of quitters.

It’s hard to find words more suitable than John Weaver: "We've seen a lot of nutty behavior from governors and Republican leaders in the last three months, but this one is at the top of that", so Hippie won’t bother....

... except to say (well, you did go through the effort of logging on, and carefully read the content warning that sends dead people away: I can’t short-change you now): Well Done to the moose up there in Narnia, we hope you enjoy your freedom from that hysterical rein (or was it a rein of hysteria?). Of course 52.9% of the American public won’t be anything more than intrigued to watch SPINE’s next move - and certainly not as much as the moose will. And the reason why (except of course that she would have no chance in whatever she does): SPINE is a quitter, a SPINE-less SPINE, an elected official who, like her off-spring, is unable to see things through in a manner declared, and is quite simply full of shite.

The moral is: You stand for office knowing full well what that involves. If quitting was appropriate, probably about a year too late now – the absence last year was when an office lacked the Moose of a head, and quitting now is just... well, Weaver said it all.

Hippie

What about the poor man in the street?

Given the White Glove is now a little more than off-color, there has been much said about how much out of pocket AEG Live will be. But where are the thoughts for the poor man in the street? No, Hippie doesn’t mean the fans (those people who a few years ago wouldn’t dare announce their view of White Glove in public – a career & reputation in tatters; record sales falling badly; even radio stations banned the White Glove from the airwaves... although they made up for it recently) who won’t now go to the ball, but should get a refund on their purchases. Hippie’s thoughts aren’t even with those fans that paid over the odds in buying tickets on auction websites – the refund policy for these purchases is normally more fragile even than trying to get money from a broke company.

No, Hippie thinks some thought should go to the poor man in the street; you know the ones that are on every corner for a few blocks before you reach the venue of chosen event.

Tickets for the Not-So-White Glove’s performances sold out in hours, but you just know the touts will now be pouring over the terms & conditions, focused on finding a way to explain their possession of hundreds of tickets, all booked in someone else’s name, and with the seats disseminated around the hall, determined to get something back for their dodgy investment.

At least those with a stock of t-shirts & hats that look as authentic in appearance as Not-So-White-Glove did can find a pocket of mourning fans, and get some return on their useless wares. But for many others, they’ve got bundles & bundles of worthless memorabilia, tickets to an event that never will be.

So next time you get all excited at seeing your favorite performer, as you make your way across the expanse of space to join a line a adoring fans, spare a thought for the poor man on the street, and how broke they must be now.

Hippie

Long Time, No Trousers

Hello,

Hippie's been really busy of late, so if you don't mind, please do excuse my absence; I am back now - and determined to get back to the flow of things.

One posting that has been dwelling within me since I was last here is eventually coming to fruition as I type...

I can't remember, and having not checked the historical posts, I'm not sure quite where things were left. I do know, though, that my sabbaticalish absence started around the weeks before an important court case - I was presenting a claim, not facing court in my own right! (Thanks to the useful change of heart of a client only when in the stand to give testimony, and the odd view of a court on a visitor becoming a resident the moment they drift into sleep on any visit, the case was lost, but que sara, life & Hippieisms goes on).

Aside from the above, for which preparations were done as far as they could be - regular discussions & prompts with the client, and assurances they knew what their position was; I can't select the judge, let alone do more than the "credible & appreciated" [judge's words, not Hippie's - I actually think their commendations were more, but these things are care-free to Hippie, particularly when I was hanging on their every word, which a few moments later prompted me to finish my note to my client: "We... lost"] summing-up of Hippie – I felt good about the case for weeks in advance. The opposing side regularly wanted to settle, and regularly applied to the court for new orders against us; we rebuffed everything, safe in the knowledge the client was sound in their testimony, and the judge's - or strictly speaking, a judge & two lay-persons, making a panel of three - would be of sound mind. Optimistic, but no obvious reason not to be.

A couple of minor points to deal with in the days before the case, but all of such ease in substance that there was simply nothing (apparently) to worry about...

Hippie dropped a suit into the cleaning shop a few days in advance of the court hearing (don't have to bother with court or other formal meetings too often, so don't bother with formal attire too often) with clear instructions on what (and why) was required.

A day or so later, all good: Hippie, accompanied by Mrs Hippie, attended the cleaners, and was assured all was in good order, and Hippie would be fit for presentation; no reason to doubt the professionals.

We then hit the aisles of the local supermarket, the grounds of which within the dry cleaner resides; armed with a basket, Hippie delegated responsibility for the laundry to Mrs Hippie, the suit deposited over a shoulder as we strode among the proper bacon & ghastly-looking pasta sauces.

A few hours after getting home, Hippie felt his girth should be measured against the restrictions of his formal clothing – strange things happen to clothes after time if they’re exposed to the fumes of alcohol for too long! (Never understood how cloth is affected in this way, but it does happen.)

Alas, such an exercise was not practical on this occasion: there was no waistband within which to test the fitting of Hippie’s physique.

Indeed, not only was the waistband missing, but the accompanying trouser legs too!

Consulting with Mrs Hippie, advice was offered that involved calling the supermarket and enquiring about whether they noticed if Hippie, on a recent visit to their store, had dropped his trousers in one of their aisles.

Hippie declined to pursue this option ("Hi, did I drop my trousers when I was there recently?") , although Mrs Hippie did pursue such enquiries – to no avail. Enquiries with the dry cleaners were also to no avail, so clearly Hippie’s trousers were dropped somewhere in public, but not in a manner that Hippie was aware of, never mind being a willing participant in.

Well, the trousers have never been recovered, and Hippie is juggling other suits to cope with current demand. Will also be juggling time better to keep this post alive though.

Be happy, Hippie always is.

Hippie

The Thrill, The Excitment, The Speculation, The Fun/Boredom

Whatever happened to those silly adverts about "I'm a Mac, I'm Fun", "I'm a PC, I'm Boring"?

From what Hippie could make out of those ads, both products were computers, and both could be programmed to do as the user desired: be boring; have ugly user-interfaces; compute & present in fancy pictures your grocery spreadsheets; play music or videos; or just look posh or dull on your lap or desk.

But which one did which, or more importantly, which didn't do either?

It's taken a while, but I recall discussing the merits of two operating systems once (with a fan of a white computer over any other). Now we can really compare the two systems against each other, and check what is really fun!

A bit of background first (dull BBC links used, just to balance the boring/fun issues):

three months ago, people were getting warnings about a virus yet to activate its payload (the suspense starts);

rewards offered by a software company (Hollywood scriptwriters employed yet?);

an eye kept on developments (but those out of the loop kept happy with the issue being downplayed);

a schedule available for those that like formality (is that for the fun, or the boring?);

another .com bubble bursts (nothing to see here... move on please);

and then, out of the shadows, the evil perpetrator's hand sneaks back into the scene (could even Hitchcock write such a script, let alone William Dozier narrate so many cliff-hangers?).

Now, honestly, who could find this drawn-out episode dull or boring? Whoever is behind this conficker/downadup/Microsoft Knowledge Base 123456789, they have generated some interest in computer security, and kept those of us comfortable in our security entertained.

While Hippie cannot condone the inappropriate access of naive computer-users systems, if we did all keep our systems maintained (and could trust our operating system not to have any vulnerabilities - what a nirvana), where would the fun be? These hackers are clever: they've kept security experts on their toes; generated large rewards; and now their program is updating with clever, encrypted software - of the kind we're all told we need to use to keep our information safe, that the security people now hope to crack (hopefully not possible, as some people bank - literally - on this security)!

So, where would the fun in computers be if we all just turned them on, played a game of Spacewar!, and then turned off the computer so we could use it for another purpose?

Hippie is all for fun, not boring computers, and Hippie knows just which side of the fence to find that on....