Pick Up a Penguin

Nothing exciting yet with the new UK government, so the security at Ireland's zoo is instead receiving attention today.

Apparently a gang made off with a penguin from Dublin zoo at about 8am this morning. Perhaps they couldn't figure out how to cook it (Hippie's never eaten penguin, but always open to trying something new), or perhaps even pluck it, but either way, it found itself abandoned on the sedate streets of North Dublin. (Ok, they might not have been the sedate streets, but the North side of Dublin does have some nicer areas than the South side, albeit with some streets where caution is still advisable.)

What's fascinating about this apprehension is the Irish idea of security measures: "The penguin went missing this morning at 8am but due to the security measures that are in place at Dublin Zoo and the rapid response of gardai, the penguin was soon recovered and returned." Was this really due to the security measures in place? (the gang did get out of the zoo with a penguin!) and the rapid response of gardai? (it took several hours to find a bird not normally native to the streets of the North side of Dublin) or more to do with the gang not knowing how to keep or cook a penguin? (Hippie thinks so).

Hippie

The Big Question

Ok, so remarkably the UK has a coalition government, with an aim of a five year term. Will be interesting to see how it unfolds & works, and whether it does lead to a change in the way politics is conducted in the future.

Hippie still suspects there could be an election this year, or at least by February next year, but just perhaps this government will manage to command sufficient support to maintain confidence until 2015.

The Big Question though isn't who will get what positions in cabinet, how the parties' supporters & MPs will react, who will lead the Labour Party, or indeed what happens next.

No, the big question (that most journalists probably will duck) is this: did the British Prime Minister, David Cameron, christen his new Downing Street flat last night, and if so, in which room(s)?

Someone Past the Post

What a bloody farce the UK elections are proving to be!

In principal, the system is "first past the post" (the party that gets the most votes) who wins, but in practice the "third past the post" is going to determine who wins... well, probably the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth, collectively keeping out the first (or highest polling) past the post. In other words, the "first past the post" system really means "someone-past-the-post-and-possibly-nearly-everyone-except-first-past-the-post".

It gets more complicated than that too: the first- past-the-post (right-wing Conservatives) & third-past-the-post (left-wing Liberal Democrats) could form a coalition, and give the UK public a secure government for the next two years - the coalition was only planned for two years, despite the government having a potential five year term. (Yes, confusing!) But, the third-past-the-post-Liberals want a commitment to a new voting system (a proportional voting system that goes by the name of the Alternative Vote - not a great system, and not even the system preferred by the third-past-the-post-Liberals), while the first-past-the-post-Conservatives are only agreeing to a referendum (a vote by the UK public) on a new system... and to confuse things more, with the first-past-the-post-Conservatives likely campaigning against it!

With things as they stand, these discussions look like they're going nowhere - the most important thing to the UK public (and the global economy) at the moment isn't really about how the UK select its government, but about a stable government. But as the most important thing to the third-past-the-post-Liberals is the Alternative Vote system, this coalition looks like it won't be achievable.

From there, the third-past-the-post-Liberals can instead secure a deal with the second-past-the-post-Labour (together with the other small parties) - first-past-the-post-Conservatives would then lose the election, and remain the official opposition.

This "rainbow" coalition (all the parties bring their colors to the table, and we have a jumbled messy rainbow of parties propping up the government) would have so many to keep happy, it wouldn't be secure. It may quickly change the voting system, but not necessarily a good thing as a priority.

To make matters more confusing, the third-past-the-post-Liberals would be negotiating with a second-past-the-post-Labour party, currently led by The Clown. However, Gordon is stepping down as the leader, so whoever takes over in September would be free to tear up the agreement with the third-past-the-post-Liberals, forcing a second general election in October (as predicted by Hippie on Friday morning).

Another twist to throw in the mix is the fact that no party would genuinely want to be responsible for forcing a second election this year - the economy wouldn't like that. Easy enough to manage, if a deal can be secured - but between who?

News on Thursday night gave them all the excuse they needed for that: no party will be forcing a second election, the responsibility for this will lie with the Returning Officers (these are the people that manage the vote in every part of the country). The UK's own "hanging chads of Florida" farce meant votes weren't counted, simply because voters couldn't get into the voting station, or once there, couldn't get a voting paper. Ergo, the voting result doesn't actually reflect what the population wanted.

The Likely Outcome of This?

Well, there could be a minority government by the first-past-the-post-Conservatives, but this would be tentative, as they would often be defeated.

Equally, there could be a majority "rainbow" coalition government of anyone that isn't the first-past-the-post-Conservatives, and this would be led by... well, even Hippie can't predict that one, but perhaps Miliband will be successful. Of course, the "rainbow" wouldn't have chosen this Prime Minister, and that could (did Hippie type "could" - should be "would") be enough to cause the collapse of this "government".

Only one thing for sure: unlike Florida, the UK public are going back to the ballot box - in October 2010. Not sure what voting system it will be held under, but probably the current someone-past-the-post-and-possibly-nearly-everyone-except-first-past-the-post system wins unless someone-past-the-post-and-possibly-nearly-everyone-except-first-past-the-post has less seats (324 or fewer) than the current first-past-the-post Conservatives get 326 seats in a new election.

And Who to Support?

If the broke & remote people in a northern place stop spewing out ash, and airline staff are working, the people to support are shareholders of the airlines - get the fuck out of the bloody place!

It's only a wart, not a belly

Hello Dear Reader,

It’s been a while, and for that neglect Hippie is very sorry. Hippie has missed writing the blog, but will make an effort to get back on track & provide more regular updates from now on.

So much been going on to cover too, it’s absolutely ridiculous that it has taken so long, and it’s not fair that subjects will only get a cursory comment today. Still, if you keep clicking on those ads, Hippie can give up working & commit to keeping in touch with you...!

Now that you’re back from clicking on ads (did you buy anything? It doesn’t matter to Hippie, you just click an ad & Hippie earns something, so just curious), we can get stuck into things.

SPINE shows her brilliance & command of the subjects again

Where were we last year? Did we have the iPhone last time Hippie posted? We didn’t have the iPad anyway! Crazy and dumb (the behaviour you would expect of a dolt), but no matter how discreet or efficient technology becomes to help us with prompts, SPINE was still relying on her trusty pen & hand. Honestly, she could have been sitting in the White House (ok, maybe that much was never a real possibility), and yet she needs to write notes on her hand!?! Does she have a tattoo of her name somewhere convenient too, with SPINE sewn into the hem of her underwear & inside her wigs?

Burgled

Hippie had to deal with a burglary recently. It happens to a fair percentage of homes, so can’t say it was unlucky, but certainly bloody annoying. They didn’t actually steal anything, only made a mess of the place. What sense in that? Will cost more to clean the place up than they probably wanted or hoped for in cash (but who handles that stuff? Have these people never heard of banks, plastic, credit cards??)! Next time, if they tell Hippie first, Hippie would be happier to pay them not to burgle him! Just need a bank account number & sort-code, and Hippie will transfer whatever the cleaner gets paid. Better for both parties Hippie thinks.

Nonetheless, Hippie has to wonder if they did have plans (perhaps a shopping list) to take something, but following the sensible practice of SPINE, had their notes on their hand, and couldn't read them with gloves on!

Our Ever Bigger Family

Families are expanding. No, not in the biological sense, but Sister Hippie has learnt of this site now, so the Hippie family reading the blog is expanding. Should Hippie be more careful in future? No? Ok, forget that thought. "Hi" Sister Hippie, hope you're well.

Ok, we’ve caught up... well, not really, but enough to keep us going, and other news Hippie missed could well get an entry of its own soon.

Hippie's Ever So Tiny Wart

Now, what happened this week could have been truly awful – in the same awful zone as those grey hairs Hippie once mentioned. It wasn't, as it isn't even what some imagine it to be, but after other crap, that's just as well.

Mrs Hippie has observed a very small wart on Hippie’s person. (Well, it wasn't an entirely new discovery, but as it came up in conversation with Mrs Hippie, Hippie confirmed to the fine lady that the excess is in fact a wart on his torso.)

This unnecessary collation of surplus-to-requirement flesh sits most awkwardly right below Hippie’s chest, so appearing to the untrained eye to be something more like a small growth that could be attributed to excesses in food & water (mixed with lots of good ingredients to make a golden liquid). It’s easier for Hippie to see it sitting down, which is unfortunate as it does then appear more like one of those beer gut things. But no, Hippie is quite clear that this is a wart - albeit one that makes the waistline tight, leaving the old strained holes on a belt now wrapped around the side, implying to the world that the waistline itself has somehow expanded despite the perfect care & attention it receives.

Hippie isn’t too concerned about the wart itself, as these things can be easily lanced. The real damage this wart does is to perfectly conceal the finely developed “six-pack” stomach now totally enveloped under this mass.

If Hippie was in anyway vain it would be a problem, but as with the hair that rudely popped out without going to the color tank first, it’s just another issue for Hippie to ignore. Hippie will continue to maintain an otherwise perfect specimen of a body, although sadly the public will now be deprived from viewing the same. Shit happens, but you’ll simply need to rely on Hippie’s assurance that the fine physic still exists & is being maintained (not with those dodgy steroid things, but with all-natural supplements made by monks) under this growth.

It’s been fun catching up, and look forward to doing it all again soon. Until then, do check out those ads, and then check out some more....

Hippie

Shit, has it been that long...?

Sorry people, on my way back right now.

Hippie